Weddings
by waywarddemons
Summary: Fluffy As Eff. But Cute-ish Requested by Anon: Can you write something where Sam is about to get married to some other hunter girl and the reader (also a hunter) won't admit that she loves him and doesn't want him to get married so sometime during the engagement she finally says something and the night of his bachelor party he gets drunk and starts talking about her, and t
1. Boutonnières

You'd waited to long. Why had you decided to wait so long. It hurt when he met her, that stupid hunt where he saved her life. It hurt when you watched them kiss and he asked Dean for the car so they could go on their first date. It hurt when years later you still had to watch them be close and kiss all the time. It hurt when you heard her squeal and run into the room, a bright and shiny ring on her finger. And now it hurt to sit here in this damned room with her while she blabbed on to the other bridesmaids about how wonderful Sam was, how wonderful it was two hunters were going to get married.

"Oh my gosh!"

"That's adorable!"

"Tell us more!"

"You're so lucky!"

It's too late now, you waited too long and now you can't do anything about it.

"Y/N, you've known Sam a long time. Why don't you tell us a story about him?" One of the peppy girls asked.

You knew why you were here. Because you were Sam's oldest friend, and Lilly felt bad that you weren't involved in the wedding. She didn't realize that you preferred that. Because it hurt to be a part of things like this.

"I don't have much really." You lied.

The four girls in the room were all looking at you now, eyes all glued to you. "Come on! You have to know something!" They cooed.

You were trapped. And eventually caved and told a simple story about some made up day. Sure, you and Sam had memories to share. But Lilly's friends made it perfectly obvious that they didn't understand what being a hunter was. What they did in their spare time. So it wasn't as if you could tell them about anything that really happened.

But Lilly could see the way you talked about him. See the look in your eyes as you thought about Sam Fucking Winchester. And yet, she never said anything about it. Why? Because she'd won, fair and square. After all she was the one getting married to him in a few days.

"He seems so wonderful!"

"I'm so jealous!"

"I wish I had someone like Sam!"

You rolled your eyes and drank another chute of Champagne. After all this was a bachelorette party. And you were supposed to be having fun. A knock on the door sounded and all the girls oo'd and Awe'd and left you to answer it. Mala, the maid of honor, had spread a rumor about getting a stripper, but you hoped it was just that, a rumor.

You opened the door though and there stood a really good looking officer. You rolled your eyes. "Can I help you sir?" You asked, playing along.

"I got a complaint, I just need to come in and make sure everything is alright inside here." You moved out of the way, gesturing for him to come in. Then the party really started, loud music started playing and the girls went wild.

You broke away, and no one even noticed. After all you were the outsider here anyway. And in your drunken haze you simply wanted to get some fresh air. The elevator dinged, signaling you had reached your destination on the bottom floor. The doors opened and revealed the lobby of the hotel. The modernistic place you'd never in a million years pick to stay.

The air outside was cold, sending goosebumps across your exposed skin. You rubbed at them, and found a bench near the street to sit. With your fuzzy head you closed your eyes, leaning back and letting the sounds of the street fill you. This was relaxing, better than being in that stuffy room with… her…

"Y/N? Aren't you supposed to be up with Lilly?" Sam asked, taking a seat next to you.

You opened your eyes slowly, one at a time and trying to focus on him. "Yeah, I uh-" You sighed. "I just needed a break."

"They can be over whelming. I know. Trust me. They've been following Lilly around like lost puppies since they got here." Sam sighed, leaning back. He used his hands as a head rest and watched the passing cars. "Its the party tonight isn't it?" He asked.

"Yeah. Its been a crazy one." You sighed. "When's yours?" You asked. It was only right that Dean throw one for Sam since he was the best man. It was his duty right?

"Dean is making it seem like he's not hosting one. But I know he is." Sam sat up, "He's probably more excited about it than anyone else." He laughed. Even you knew it was true. Dean hadn't stopped smiling since Lilly announced they were getting married, he'd been like a little kid and helped her plan every step of the thing.

"At least he's not bitter about you getting married first." You said. Not that you would know. You were an only child. But from the countless movies you'd seen he should be upset about it, or something like that.

"Oh, I'll never have to worry about that." Sam sighed. "Well I should go back in before Dean comes out searching for me. You should go in too. Have fun with the girls."

This time you laughed. You'd have more fun with them if you spent the night in boiling lava. You sighed though and walked with Sam back into the hotel. Letting him push the buttons and help you reach your floor. "See you tomorrow." He said giving you a wave and sending you off to the party you could clearly hear down the hall.

"Yup" You responded. Things were so different between you now it hurt. No more hugs, no more closeness. Ever since this whole wedding thing became real everything had changed.

"Y/N come here!" Dean called, waving you over from behind a wall. He looked around, making sure not to draw the attention of anyone else. "Y/N!" He yelled again.

You didn't hesitate, joining him in the small kitchen. "What?" you asked, shutting the door behind yourself. No one followed, just you and Dean alone in this small room.

"I need your help tonight. I need you to help me get Sammy alone so we can do this whole party thing." he waved it off like it meant nothing, but you could tell he was holding back his excitement.

"Yeah sure. I can do that."

"Even with that gaggle of annoying chicks at your side?" he gestured to them, though in here you couldn't see them.

You sighed, "Yeah. I can break away." Last night you hadn't returned to the party, but apparently they all thought you had. When you woke up they began asking about how much fun it was and if you remembered bla bla happening. You played along, not wanting to make yourself any more of an outsider.

"Okay good. So about 8 tonight? Let me know where you are and I'll come get him." Dean shoved you back out into the ball room, letting you continue on your pointless task of writing name cards. You wished this wasn't such a big wedding, specially since Sam's family consisted of Dean and you. But somehow you had found a way to invite all the hunters you had ever met, you'd never seen so many in one place before, it was almost eerie.

"Hey Sam, come in here would ya?" You called from the hallway, your room key in hand. Sam broke away from the hunter he was talking to and joined you.

"Everything okay?" He asked, slipping into your room with you. "I haven't seen you since the other night."

"Yeah, Lilly has us all running around like chickens without heads. But I have something for you. Just- wait here a second." You went into another room, messaging Dean that you had Sam alone in your room. "Damn I can't find it, give me a second. Hey why don't you open that bottle of whiskey?"

"Sure." Sam cracked open the bottle, finding two glasses and pouring you both a drink. "Been a long week, I can't believe I'm getting married tomorrow."

The pain in your heart made you stop for a moment. Sure this week had been nothing but wedding, wedding, wedding, but something about how busy you'd been made you forget. "Crazy huh?"

"You know Y/N, I never thought I'd be with Lilly. Or anyone really. I sorta had Dean's thinking branded into my head. We're hunters, there's no settling down." He poured himself another drink.

"But here we are." You said entering the room with Sam again. He handed you your drink and watched you drink it instantly.

"Yeah, here we are." He sighed, "I feel like I haven't seen you in months." He sat down on the couch in your room. Kicking his feet up on the table in front of him.

"Well, you've got a different life going on now." You admitted, joining him. "But its okay. I don't think I've ever seen you so happy." Sam smiled. "See? That's all Lilly." He tried to hide his smile, but it only grew at the mention of her name. You poured yourself another drink.

"I'm getting nervous. Seems stupid, but still." Sam sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"You'll do fine. Just know she's waiting for you at the other side." The words were like bile in your mouth.

"Do you ever think you'll get married? To a hunter or even not one?" Sam asked. You eyed him, thrown off by his question.

"Nah." You poured Sam and yourself another shot. Reaching over him for the bottle. "I already found the love of my life, but I can't be with him."

"That's so sad." Sam said, and you could see it in his eyes he meant it. "How can he be happy knowing you love him? He does know doesn't he?"

You shook your head no, "Its okay though really." You lied, patting his thigh. "Knowing he's happy helps."

Sam sighed again, eyes hardening. You watched, hoping he hadn't caught you in your lie, hoping he didn't know it was him you were talking about. "Y/N?" He asked, his voice small.

You swallowed hard, "Yeah?"

Sam leaned forward, the smell of his whiskey breath hot and close to you. You're eyes were trained on his lips, watching his tongue dart across them. You gulped, nervous at how close you both were. Not that you hadn't ever been this close to Sam, you had. But never with whiskey thoughts. Never after feeling so vulnerable and naked after a confession.

Sam looked up into your eyes, his hand reaching towards you. You closed your eyes, ready for whatever was about to happen. "What did you want to give me?"

"Right! It's uh-" You shook off your previous thoughts. Thoughts that would never actually happen. "Its not much. But it belonged to my dad. He wore it when he got married." You handed him a small box.

He opened it, eyes watering at the sight. You wern't lying, it hadn't been much. Just a small pair of cuff links your father had kept for your wedding day. But that wasn't going to happen. And instead of letting them rot you thought passing them to Sam would be a better idea.

Sam closed the box and set it down, his large arms wrapped you in a hug. He squeezed you tightly, "It's perfect." He said into your ear, and you finally wrapped your arms around him.

"Yeah. Perfect."

Sam stumbled out of the room, drunker than he'd been in a long time. His friends called after him, yelling and hollering as the party continued. Sam smiled, he was having a blast. After spending time with Y/N and being kidnapped by Dean and brought to this club had made it all the more perfect.

Sam leaned against the wall. This was going just as he had hoped. And tomorrow everyone would have enough time to recover so that he could walk down the aisle and finally be married to Lilly. Lilly, Sam's heart swelled at the thought of her dark hair, of her perfect smile. He'd remembered saving her for the first time and the way he felt seeing her broken and bloodied. How she'd been a smart ass to Dean and only let Sam help her. He'd thought about her fighting and how she made it look so graceful, as if it were a dance rather than a battle.

But then his fuzzy mind changed, and he started to see Y/N, started to see how she'd always been there. 'How can he be happy knowing you love him? He does know doesn't he?' Sam remembered asking. He'd never seen you with anyone before, just him and Dean. You'd never made an effort to really put yourself out there and meet anyone. Even with Dean and Sam went out and needed "alone time" You'd hung back and stayed out of the way.

Had it been someone before they found you? Sam shook that thought away, there wasn't anyone before they found you. And if there was, it wasn't anyone who deserved your love. He remembered you coming across them,and how you left but kept running into them. Even then you were hardened and too deep into the life. Much like Dean.

Sam laughed at the thought of Dean and you. Sure you both bickered like old lovers, but anyone would in such close quarters. The image of you and Dean acting romantic made Sam laugh even harder, holding at his sides and almost keeling over.

And then, like a light bulb, Sam realized. He could see it so clearly now. All the longing looks, the nights spent cuddled up in hotel rooms together when you couldn't sleep, or when the hadn't had enough money for another room. The way you looked at him when he had asked in the first place. How uncomfortable it had made you and how you couldn't even look him in the eye as you answered. Sam swallowed hard.

He peeled himself off the wall, shoving his hand into his pocket. He pulled out his phone, and scrolled until he found your name. It was late, but the hours you kept meant you'd probably be awake. His thumb hesitated over your name. What would he say? He was wasted and anything could come out wrong.

"Hey! The parties inside!" Dean said, stumbling out of the club. "Get your ass in there and look at all those hotties before you can't anymore!"

Sam laughed at his brother's words. "Come on man, its your last night of freedom. You're settling down, at least getting half the apple pie life. Next thing you'll be telling me she's gunna pop out kids."

Dean leaned against the wall next to his brother. "I can't believe you are getting married." Dean said, looking out at the night sky.

"I never thought I would. But when I look at Lilly-" Sam stopped talking. Lilly. His soon to be wife. That's who he needed to think about. Not Y/N. He shoved his phone back in his pocket.

"I', proud of you little brother." Dean wrapped his arm around his brother, leading him back inside the loud club. Sam didn't fight his brother. His drunken brain clouding his previous thoughts.

You knocked on the door. "Special delivery!" You called out, leaning against the wall. In your hands was a note from Lilly to Sam, a note you had forced yourself not to read as you walked over here. The door opened a crack, Dean poking his head out and searching up and down the hall before he gripped your arm and yanked you inside.

"Thank god! I never thought you'd show up." He said, shoving you farther in the room. "You clean up nice." Dean said, eyeing the small pink dress you wore.

You blushed but shook the compliment off. "What's going on?" You asked, suddenly scared.

Dean sighed, "Its Sammy. Somethings… off about him." He pointed to Sam. Sam stood in the corner of the room. Eyes focused on his reflection in the mirror in front of him. "He's been like that all morning."

"I'll go talk to him." You pushed past Dean, approaching Sam with cation. "Its the big day." You said, patting his shoulder.

He looked at you slowly. "Yeah it is isn't it?" He said. His eyes returning back to the mirror.

You forced him to face you, reaching your slender hands up to fix his bow tie. "You still nervous?" You asked, looking up at him through your eyelashes.

He nodded. "Y/N? The other day before Dean took me, you were talking about the reason you'd never get married. Why haven't you told the guy you love that you love him?" You gulped, hands freezing in place. Sam's hands reached up, holding yours in his own. "Because I'm sure he'd like to know the truth."

Sam knew. Sam had put it all together and knew the truth about how you felt. "Because-" You started, but your throat was clogging. "Because it doesn't matter. He's in love with someone else. And that's okay." His eyes softened.

You pulled your self away from him, taking a step back. "Lilly wrote you a letter." You handed it to him, pulling it out from the tie around your waist. You pat your dress down, not watching Sam's face as he took the letter and opened it.

You made your way back to Dean. He'd been sitting with the other grooms men, a few that you knew, and a few that you didn't. You listened as they spoke, telling stories about past hunts. This was the first time all weekend they had been able to sit around and share stories like this. Most of the guests that Lilly had invited were strangers to your world.

You glanced over to Sam, Sam who still was reading the letter Lilly had written him. He wore a smile, the smile he always wore when he was with her and you knew. Even if Sam begged you to admit that he was the one you loved, you'd never tell him. You couldn't now. Because it was more than obvious that he was madly in love with Lilly. And you couldn't be selfish and ruin that.

Sam looked up, spotting you and turned back to the mirror.

"I should head back to the girls." You leaned over and told Dean. He smiled and nodded, entranced with the story being told. And so you left. But you weren't heading back to the girls. You wanted to leave, needed to leave.

"Y/N wait." Sam called out, but you didn't. You couldn't. You needed out of here. "Y/N!" His hand reached out and gripped your arm, flipping you so you were facing him. "Tell me the truth."

"No." You held your ground. Keeping the tears in your eyes from falling as you did. This was stupid. You were a strong hunter and you let your guard down for what? For this?

"Y/N…" Sam leaned down and kissed you, hand cupping the back of your neck and pulling you to meet his lips. They parted against yours, warm and soft. His hand pushing you closer to him. His other on the small of your back.

You were lost, letting him devour you in this public place. Where any single one of the guests could see. You were frozen, marveling in the taste of Sam's lips. And then it snapped, and your hands were pushing him off of you.

"Damnit Sam. Why did you go and do that?" You turned your back to him, wiping at your still wet lips.

Sam was the frozen one now. "I- I don't know why. I just needed to."

"You can't fuck this up Sam.!" You turned back to him, seeing the blank expression on his face. "Lilly is the best thing that's happened to you. She makes you happy. The way you smile when you look at her. Damnit Sam. Damnit. This is your fucking wedding day!" You were trying not to yell, trying not to bring attention to what just happened. But it was hard. You were upset. You were pissed. And all you wanted to do was have Sam's lips back on you despite everything.

"Whats going on out here?" Dean asked, joining you both in the hall.

You scoffed. "Perfect timing Dean. Take him back in there and make sure he walks down the aisle."

"What does that mean?" Dean asked, but you were walking away, practically running down the hall towards the exit. Making your way past the guests, past the confused faces. Ignoring the shouts and calls of where you were going or what was wrong. It didn't matter, nothing was important right now. Nothing except leaving and getting as far away as you could from the church you were in.


	2. Speak Now, Or Forever Hold Your Peace

You hadn't wanted to, of course you didn't want to be here any longer than you needed to. But you had to go back for your things. Your bag had everything in it. Even a few of your hunting trinkets you couldn't part with. So you rode the elevator to your room, your foot tapping nervously as it climbed up slowly. Sam couldn't have beaten you up there, you knew that.

You made quick work of the hotel room and your belongings. You threw everything you could haphazardly into your bag, not bothering to worry about how it all looked inside. All that mattered was that you needed your things. Dean and Sam would understand, Sam would explain why you left and you could live with the story. You'd have to.

You took the stairs on your decent down. Too scared to run into Sam in the elevator had he decided to follow you. But why would he? He wouldn't if he were smart. He'd stay and have his wedding, he'd stay and be happy.

The streets were busy, lots of cars parked on the side of the road for you to choose from. You passed by each, searching the insides for a car you could easily take. Making sure none had kids, or anything else important inside.

You found one, some crappy old beat up car. You looked around, making sure no one was watching and raised your elbow to meet with the window. A large hand gripped your arm and stopped you from making contact.

Your heart started racing. Fear. Fear you had been caught by the owner of the car. It wasn't until you looked up and saw Sam that you realized your fear was different. But still fear. "Sam?" You asked, paralyzed in fear.

"Where are you going? Are you running away?" His voice bit into you. Are you running away? All that was needed after it was again. Are you running away again? But he didn't ask that, maybe he had forgotten. Maybe he just wasn't thinking about how you had originally met him. On the run, hiding, dirty, killing monsters while you ran from the life you thought you could have.

You choked. Sam looked around before dropping your arm back to your side. "Y/N, why are you running?" He asked again.

"I can't- I. You're wedding, why did you leave?" Your mind started to wander, no longer worried about yourself. "Go back. Lilly is waiting for you. This is her day. Everyone is there. Go. Let me leave."

You made your way off the street. Clinging to your bag and looking up and down the road. This car was the only one that could give you what you needed. The others looked like they would draw too much attention to you. A city bus drove by, as you tightened your grip on your bags strap you knew that would get you far enough away from Sam to help you start over.

Sam shook his head. "I can't let you leave. Not like this. Not now." He followed you down the street, keeping up with your pace as you tried to run down the street away from him.

You stopped dead in your track and turned to him. "Go back to Lilly Sam. Go get married. Go have your apple pie."

Sam didn't follow you this time. His feet remained rooted to the floor under him. He didn't watch you leave, his eyes focused on his unmoving feet. As if he were willing them to move from under him. You didn't turn back around, you couldn't. You wouldn't keep going if you could see that look on Sam's face.

Sam made his way back to the church, his foot steps heavy and jacket slung over his shoulder. He wasn't expecting you to run, he wasn't expecting you to leave him like that. The church was still a mess. Still full of happy guests that were early for the wedding. Sam hadn't called it off when he left. He just- left.

He hadn't bothered to say anything to anyone about what he was going to do. He was just so distraught over the kiss, over your face as you took of running. He wished he knew before. Things were complicated and messy now.

"Dude what the hell? You can't just run off like that." Dean said, shoving his brother back into the grooms dressing room. "What happened to you? Where did you go?"

The room was so quiet, or had Sam simply stopped listening to the sounds around him? Drowning out the sounds of everyone around.

Sam sat down on the couch. The room had cleared out now, just Sam and Dean alone in the room. Sam sighed, reaching for the bottle of whiskey left out. Dean sat close to Sam, watching him intently. "Sammy?"

Sam didn't speak. He pulled the letter Lilly gave him out of his pocket and handed it to Dean. Dean looked at the frilly hand writing before flipping it over and opening it. Dean leaned back in his seat, looking over the letter with ease. He folded it and placed it back into the envelope.

Dean poured himself a drink, and finished it before he started to open his mouth. Only nothing came out. Dean loosened his tie and poured another drink for him and Sam.

You held your bag close, shoving yourself into a seat and making sure no one was following you. You had left Sam, left him on the side of the road with out an explanation, without anything. "Are you running away" Repeating over and over in your head. Yes Sam because that's what I do. I run. Always running. You'd been with Sam and Dean far too long already. But your feelings for Sam had made you stay, clouded your judgment and kept you around.

But you're mind was clear now. Clear and empty as you rested your head against the cold window. No more sleepless nights staying up and reading with Sam. No more bickering and arguing with Dean. No more long rides with the both of them in the Impala. No more being with people. You'd developed a relationship with the both of them and now it was just gone.

You were back on the run back alone and on the road. Just like it had been before. All you needed was your own car and you'd be set. You'd probably go west, because then you'd be pretty sure that you'd never run into Sam or Dean.

The bus started to fill. People standing and sitting all around you. You didn't have a destination at this point. You were just trying to get away. Just making a larger gap between you and Sam so you couldn't turn around and run back to him.

"Can I sit here?" A female asked, pointing to the seat next to you. It was empty, and you nodded that she could join. Shifting in your seat to give her more room. She looked as if she had just gotten off work, tired and run down. "Thank you." She sighed.

"Any time. Do you know where this bus leads?" You asked.

She smiled, "Its going to the bus station now. You can go anywhere from there." She leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes.

Anywhere.

The sound of the church bells echoed throughout. Sam and Dean cringed at the sound, and the entourage of groomsmen joined them again in the dressing room. Suddenly replacing the silence that was in there before. Dean pat his younger brother on the back as they made their way down the hall. Giving him that silent "I'm here if you need me look." that Sam responded to with a nod.

No one knew what was going on. The staff directed Sam and his men towards large double doors that were shut tightly. Sam could hear the sound of people talking on the other side but he didn't bother to listen closely to the words.

"You sure?" Dean asked, right before one of the men was shoved into the room.

Sam shook his head. "Not now Dean. Not now."

And so Dean made his way down the aisle. He waved as he made his way down, and took his place next to where Sam was to stand. He watched his little brother make his way down the aisle, his face proud. Proud that Sammy had found someone. Proud that he was so much more of a grown up than Dean could ever had imagined.

Sam took his place on the alter, pulling at the hem of his suit and correcting it. The music changed and the long string of Bridesmaids made their way down towards them.

Sam sighed, he never thought that he would end up here. Standing in front of hunters, of family, of people he'd never met. He never thought he'd feel so nervous in his life. He looked over at Dean, Dean who still wore the largest smile Sam had seen him wear.

Sam looked down at his shoes before the music changed once again. He looked up, waiting for the double doors to open. Waiting for Lilly to make her way towards him. The last person, the most important person. And everyone sat here waiting for her.

No one noticed Y/N's absence. No one paid attention to the fact that she was gone. Even Dean and Sam had forgotten for a moment that you had chosen not to come back. The double door's opened and everyone stood and turned to watch her entrance, to see her beauty.

Sam knocked on the door with one knuckle, a slow small knock that he knew could be heard on the other side. The door didn't open right away though. He could hear the faint shuffling of feet against the carpet. Could hear the crack of hands and the door knob jiggle. They hadn't even bothered to look through the peep hole. No, they trusted whoever was at the door.

Some hunter.

"Ah- I thought you'd come to visit." The older man said, walking back towards his unmade bed. He sat on the corner, scratching at his chin. Sam shut the door behind him, careful to hear it click into place before he walked in further.

Sam sighed, "I had to, I had to let someone know I was leaving." The older man didn't seem effected by his words. Instead he yawned. "Dean knows. And Dean's prepared to explain everything." Sam clarified. Dean wasn't about to leave, he was enjoying the food and drink that was still being provided to him.

The older man nodded, licking his lips. He eyed Sam, watching the boys rigid body standing before him. "You gonna bother to tell me what the hell happened?" He was trying to stay calm, trying to not add anymore stress to the young boy before him.

"Yeah. That's kinda why I showed up here." Sam grew nervous. With Dean it had been easy. He handed him the note, he read it, and it was done. But saying the words aloud were a different story. The older man didn't pry, he let Sam huff and take a deep breath before explaining the reason Lilly didn't show up yesterday.

"She left me this letter. I think I was the only one who knew. She waited until it was time for her to go down the aisle, until she had a moment alone. And left." Sam sighed. He could picture her running out of the church un noticed in her dress. A dress he hadn't yet seen. And while a part of him was relieved she left him standing there, he was devastated all the same.

He loved Lilly, even with this new confusing development. He loved her. And he always thought she loved him too. Always thought that they would end up together. He still wanted to marry her despite everything going on right now. That's why he took his post at the alter. That's why he waited instead of calling it off before he could look like a fool.

The man nodded, "She tell you why?" It hadn't been a hard pill to swallow. Anyone who knew Lilly probably didn't really have any question as to why she would leave Sam like that. Except that they all believed she loved him and couldn't understand why she would give that up. It wasn't every day a hunter got married to another hunter.

"No, but I'm guessing the drama of it." Sam laughed. Lilly was dramatic, Lilly wasn't like the other hunters around. She liked attention and the thrill of being caught. Her arrest record was probably twice the size of anyone here. Lilly always lived for the drama of events. It was why they were having this rather large ceremony instead of eloping like Sam had wanted.

The man stood, making his way towards Sam. He squeezed his shoulder and sighed. "And you're positive she left on her own?" Sam nodded in response. "So then, where are you going?"

"To find Y/N."

It'd been a week. You had settled down in a little place and found yourself a little job. You were surprised at how quickly you'd gotten set up, but you didn't want to start questioning it at all. You were waiting tables at a bar, a good cover to get in close with a few of the local hunters down here. Hunters you had never met or heard of before.

Things were getting back to normal, seemingly normal at least. And yet every night when you went to bed you wanted to call Sam. Though at this point he should be off on his honeymoon. A week long event with just him and his new wife.

"Cindy! Can you help me with this table?" A co-worker yelled your alias out. You went over and helped her with a table, clearing off the trash and empty bottles. "You're new in town right?"

"Yeah." You hated small talk, but knew it was part of the deal. Part of making friends and making a home for yourself. You hadn't decided if this was the place for you, but for now it had to do.

The table was cleared, and you both were walking to the back now. "How you liking it?" She asked, dropping her trash in the basket.

"Its different. I mean I travel a lot so everywhere is different, but this place is…" You trailed off. It was just different. People over here were a lot meaner you'd noticed, but you shook that off.

"Yeah. Well at least you have something to compare it too. I'm born and raised right here." You wished you'd felt her pain. It was better than saying the only reason you traveled so much was to hunt and kill monsters. That monsters were real and that they harmed people.

"Well isn't he a handsome one?" She asked as she watched a new guest enter the bar. You looked up, nodding because he was handsome. "Mind if I?" She asked. And you let her take the table. You hadn't been looking for anyone new to occupy your time anyway. Your mind still always went back to Sam.

You started cleaning glasses, mindlessly trying to pass time before you were off and could go back to your little home. You sighed, back to the bar as you organized the glasses. You heard your co-worker flirting with the new guest, but didn't want to judge. You made the drink when she came up to you with his order, and watched her bounce as she made her way back to him.

The bar was dead, so her giving him slightly more attention was okay. It was late and by all means no one should be coming in. but last call was still an hour away and you couldn't leave her alone here. It was a rule. Not that you needed it. She was weak and fragile. She didn't know how to fight, if anyone or anything came in she'd never make it.

"Beer and a whiskey?" A new guest asked, taking a seat in front of you at the bar. You didn't look up, you went about the mindless task of producing his drink for him and setting it down in front of him. You didn't bother to look up when you set the drinks down. Returning to your glasses for a moment before going back to him.

"$7 even." You said, finally looking at the guest in front of you.

Your heart stopped beating, your breath lost in your chest. He smiled, knowing the full effect he had on you as he towered over the bar. "S-S-Sam?" You choked out, suddenly slammed back into your body.

"Found you." He said. You reached over and took his shot, pouring it down your throat in a quick flick of your wrist and slamming the glass back down.

"How?" You asked, pouring him another drink and sliding the glass to him. The bar between you kept you from running into his arms for a hug.

"You're easy to track." He laughed. I seem to remember you did the same thing the last time you ran away." He paused, taking a drink of his beer, "And I asked around."

You rest both hands on the bar, fear of fainting becoming more evident as you held your breath more and more. Sam was here, in front of you. He searched for you."But what about-?"

"She uh- she left me. At the wedding." You could hear the pain in his voice. Could see the sadness in his eyes even though he tried to mask both with a smile.

"She left you?!" You practically yelled. Suddenly pissed that Lilly would put Sam through that.

This time he took the shot, downing it and coughing at the end. He slammed the glass down and slid it towards you. "Yeah." he breathed.

"Are you okay?" You asked, suddenly wishing the bar wasn't between you. Suddenly wishing you were sitting next to him so he would know you were there for him.

He cleared his throat. "I will be. Would have been better if you were there to help me." His eyes twinkled at you.

"You had Dean." You said, producing another beer for him. You glanced over at your co-worker, who was now sitting at the table with her guests. You shook your head and opted to join Sam. The bar could be empty with these two guests here.

Sam watched you take a seat next to him. "He wasn't who I wanted." He set his hand on your thigh and made you skin instantly turn red. "You didn't have to run you know." His voice was low and he leaned toward you.

"You were getting married." You said, looking down at your hands.

Sam pulled the letter out of his pocket and set it down in front of you. You picked it up, looking over at Sam who was now drinking his beer and not watching you. He had read it over and over again, you could tell by the worn corner.

"Sammy. I don't know when or how this happened but it is. I hate to do this on our special day, but if I continue with this day then I'd hate myself even more. I can't marry you Sam. I thought I could, but it would be too much of a lie. I love you, I do. I've been sorting through my thoughts and feelings lately, trying to decided if this is right for us. Which isn't fair to either of us. So I realized, I can't keep dragging this along for selfish reasons. Its hurting you and will only result in making everything worse. Everyone wants someone to say they need them, specially us, in their life. I should have come to terms with this long before this day, but love makes you do stupid things. I don't think you were a mistake, you were the best thing in the world for me. You helped me be me, you helped me grow into who I was supposed to be. And that's when I realized you weren't a part of that life. So I'm taking matters into my own hands and ending this now. I hope you find her, the one that will make you happy, the one that will give you just as much of her heart as you will give to her. You deserve it Sam. And I know she's out there. Don't let her slip through your fingers."

You're eyes were watering, you sniffled and folded the note back up. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

Sam sighed. "I guess I didn't want to believe it. I still went up to that alter and waited for her to walk down to me. I guess I was too confused with all that was going on. Kissing you, reading the letter, I was just confused and in shock."

You both sat in silence for a moment, both drinking in everything around you. The silence was thick, but neither of you knew what to say.

"Last call!" Your co-worker yelled, though it wasn't needed. You weren't that far from her and you were the only ones in the bar.

"I have to get back to work." You peeled yourself off the seat and made your way back behind the bar. Setting out to do the few chores you still had before closing down the bar. She joined you a little while after, rushing through her work and signing out before you. You didn't mind, being alone meant you could think about everything a little more.

Sam found you. He searched for you and showed up here to tell you everything. He was here. He wasn't married.

you brought Sam back to your little home. He seemed like a giant inside, as if he weren't a human at all. "Wow, that was fast." he drug his hand along the book shelf you had set up. A few gory research books lined it, followed by a few classics.

"I had a bunch of money saved up in accounts. It wasn't too hard to get this place." You said, dropping your keys and purse in the corner of the room. You had done pretty well for yourself. You had the basics that you needed to make it feel like a home.

"Still faster than me and Dean would have one." Sam laughed, remembering the many empty abandoned houses they had stayed in. sleeping on dirt covered floors, or sitting against walls.

You made your way to the kitchen, grabbing a few beers out of the fridge and handing one to Sam. "Does Dean know you're here?" You asked.

"Yeah. He tried to give me the Impala to find you." Again Sam laughed. "Y/N?" Sam asked, suddenly appearing behind you.

He snaked his arms around your waist, facing you towards him and pulling you close. You stood frozen in place. "I'm glad I found you. Please don't run away again." He rocked you both side to side in place. "I could barely handle it this time, I don't think I could do it again." He rest his head on yours, pulling you into his chest.

He pulled away from you, lifting your chin up so you looked up at him. His eyes were soft, his lips full and ready for you. You tried to look away, suddenly nervous about how close you both were. Sure Sam kissed you once, but this wasn't a normal thing between you two.

Sam leaned down and kissed you, softly at first. His lips brushing against yours gently. His hand on your waist pulled you closer to him. You wrapped your arms around him, your fingers found his hair and pulled at the ends.

"Sam wait." You stopped him, hands on his chest. You're breathing was heavy.

Sam pulled away, looking deep into your eyes. "Whats wrong?" He asked, hands still around your waist holding you close.

"You're doing this because you want to right? Because you want me?" You asked, suddenly feeling small and insecure.

Sam let go of you, taking a step back. "Why else would I?"

"Because you're alone and know I'm willing." Sam looked taken back by your words. "Look, I still love you. And I guess I'm still a little confused as to why you are here. Why you came searching for me." You were kicking yourself for saying things like this. For stopping and asking all these things. But you had to.

Sam scoffed, running a hand through his hair. "You don't see how much I care about you?"

"No, I see that you got dumped and came running to the first person you knew would take you in. I can't let you use me like that Sam. I need to know that you want me, that you care about me. Even if its not like I care about you. I just need to know I'm more than a rebound, more than a warm body." You cursed yourself. Why were you saying these things.

Sam didn't speak for a moment, letting it all sink in. He never took his eyes off of you though, always watching. "Y/N, I want you. I've had a lot of time to think on the road. Its you."


End file.
